Yoruba Girl Dancing Book Club Review: Something Borrowed (Part I)

The choice of Something Borrowed for the inaugural YGD Book Club was met with gratifying enthusiasm. Thirteen people registered interest when we began reading and while we lost bodies to illness, heavy workloads and general busyness, we made it to the end of the month with a healthy and respectable six partcipants. I hope you’ll all agree that’s not too shabby.

All of the readers had their opinions about the book, and all were really interesting. To aid our analysis, we looked to the book’s publisher, who gave pointer questions for book clubs. For the purposes of discussion, our five readers are George, Nikky, Eleanor, Ronke,  Naps and Tamara. And then there’s me (Bim), of course. Some of the answers have been edited for space (sorry!) but full transcripts will be going to all readers who took part. Finally, there are 11 questions and the combined word count of the answers run to dissertation length (just under 9,000). To give your eyes a rest, I will break them up into two posts, so look out for #2 straight after this one. Let’s begin!

Something Borrowed is, in a nutshell, about a woman (Rachel) who starts an affair with her best friend’s (Darcy) fiancé (Dex) on the night of her 30th birthday. The book follows the characters through the aftermath of this incident, giving insights into motivations, personal histories and repercussions along the way. As is often the case in these situations, Rachel and Dex are found out in the end, but I think the book is less concerned with this. The point seems to be getting to know the characters, picking sides and making judgements!

What do you think was the real impetus behind Rachel’s decision to sleep with Dex after her birthday party? Was it about her desire to break out of her good girl persona? Was it about a long standing resentment toward Darcy? Or was it both?

Bim: “I thought Rachel’s decision was inspired by a number of things, chief among which was the with to ‘break out’ of her good girl persona. Her perception of Darcy as selfish and self-obsessed merely added weight to her decision.”
George: “I didn’t want to find myself identifying with Rachel, but I did. I was always the good girl, and the one who faded into the background – willingly – even on her own birthday. It was an act of calculated rebellion, rather than pure jealousy (of Darcy) and resentment, although I think that spiked her action.”
Ronke: “I think she liked the guy and it just took her by surprise and she went with it. I don’t think it was malicious; certainly not from the start.”
Nikky: “I don’t think there was a real impetus behind Rachel’s ‘decision’ to sleep with Dex. Rachel is so passive I don’t think she really makes decisions at any point in the book, but also, the original night read to me like many a drunken one nighter does. Never overestimate the ‘why not’ of heavy drinking! I think the first night has to be looked at very differently to the actual affair.”
Naps: “It was Rachel’s spite at Darcy always stealing the limelight. It wasn’t about her desire to break out of her good girl persona. It was about a long standing resentment toward Darcy.
Eleanor: “BOOZE.”
Tamara: “ESCAPE! Every one of us who has turned 30 will have a crazy “when I turned 30″ story. It all comes down to the panic and denial that adulthood is well and truly upon us. I really doubt that Rachel was even aware of her feelings for Dex or any long-standing resentment towards Darcy. I honestly think Rachel saw her thirties rushing towards her and decided to escape with good lovin’.

How do you view Dex? How would you describe Dex and Rachel’s relationship? What drew them together? Did you root for them to be together? Do you think they have true love?

Bim: “Dex was, for me, a quietly scary character. Who sleeps with their fiancée’s best friend and then calmly lies on the phone the following morning? If I were Rachel, on that first morning after, I would’ve run out and not stopped running till I hit Mexico… Granted, the book is focused on Rachel and her view of her actions, but Dex seemed to be entirely too at ease with the cheating. I suppose their relationship made more sense than his one with Darcy, and that came from their shared career aspirations, as well as certain aspects of personality. In their own way, I think they had true love – messy as their beginning was. When I first read the book, I rooted for them but upon revisiting, I found myself resenting them a lot more.”
George: “I’m not sure I did root for them, to be honest. Not because Dex cheated on Darcy, but because I didn’t feel that sense of him and Rachel truly yearning to be together. I felt that Rachel represented, to him, everything that Darcy wasn’t; that in itself can be attractive if you’re not truly in love with your partner. Throw in secrecy and conflict, and you have the makings of a torrid affair, which can seem like pure and heady ‘true love’ waiting to happen. Would that have blossomed with Darcy out of the picture? I’m not entirely sure.”
Nikky: “Dex strikes me as quite manipulative and keen to have everything his own way. He likes to remain one step distant and move people into positions that suit him while making them seem like they thought of it themselves (see the whole relationship with Rachel and ultimately the terms of separation with Darcy). I think Dex wants the best of all worlds, the intellectual stimulation of Rachel, but the glamour and verve of Darcy. I really didn’t root for Rachel and Dex to be together. I don’t like cheating, even in books and I’m biased toward people who commit it so that did colour my judgement. I also didn’t really care enough about either of them because of the way the characters were drawn. I do think though that they were more evenly matched than Dex and Darcy though, so maybe it was real love?”
Eleanor: “Dex is a pretty boy who’s never had to work for anything in his life. He’s had it too easy and I think he’s far too simple for Rachel. I would describe their relationship as based on ideals or dreams, rather than reality. For Dex, it’s the fantasy of the smart, independent girlfriend. (I think he would start to feel threatened by her eventually.) For Rachel, it’s the idea of the hot, successful boyfriend (I think she wants to be Dex, as much as she wants to shag him!).”
Ronke: “I think Dex is a wuss. Any guy who goes along with an engagement that he does not want and has an affair with her best friend is very weak and cowardly. I cannot see Darcy and Dex being friends if they had not hooked up first. I did not root for them as a couple, neither of them had any charisma and were frankly quite dull. I also thought the characters were too one-dimensional with Darcy portrayed as the ‘bad’ one and Dex and Rachel as the ‘nice’ ones.
Naps: Dex is too good to be true – a good-looking man with a poor sense of judgment. The author failed to illustrate what Dex and Darcy had in common that would have kept them in a seven-year relationship. Plus, a man that cheats on his girlfriend of seven years after suddenly realising they have nothing in common apart from their good looks probably isn’t prime marriage material for any woman. Despite me being annoyed at both Dex and Rachel for their actions in cheating on Darcy, it was obvious that they were more suited than Dex and Darcy, so yes I did root for them. True love? Both seem selfish people to me so perhaps they are well suited. I think their actions – particularly that none of them ever told Darcy about their affair, Darcy just happened to find out – shows cowardliness on both their parts. To copy Cheryl Cole (!), neither Dex nor Rachel were prepared to fight for their love by ‘fessing up to Darcy.
Tamara: “AAAAAAARRRRGH. Dex gets on my last nerve. Spineless, lazy, cowardly greedy-ass dude! Aaaarrrrggghh! I can’t believe he wasted seven years of Darcy’s life when he wanted Rachel all along! It’s not like if he even tried to get with Rachel back in their college days, he just went for the easy option. Why the hell did he even propose to Darcy? Then he has no empathy about the difficult situation he puts Rachel in, and only breaks off the engagement when he’s pushed into a corner! OOOOOOOHHHHH, I can feel my blood pressure rising!”

Is anything about Rachel and Darcy’s friendship genuine? Do you believe it has changed over time? Why does Rachel defend Darcy against attacks from Ethan and Hillary? Compare and contrast Rachel’s friendship with Hillary and Ethan to her friendship with Darcy.

Bim: “The longevity is genuine, and there is real affection there, in my opinion. But I think habit has forced them together, when it would have been more healthy for them to end their friendship a long time ago. Astonishingly, their friendship doesn’t seem to have changed over a lifetime – Darcy remains top dog and Rachel a ball of rage and resentment, alleviated by moments of warmth. It was a pressure cooker waiting to go off. Hillary seemed good for Rachel – she challenged her, particularly over her relationship with Dex – and seemed like a different breed of fun to Darcy. But Hillary is a part-time friend, something she shares with Ethan – his distance means that Rachel never really has to engage, not in the way she does with Darcy.
George: “There’s Darcy, Rachel, and the ‘I hate Darcy’ club who act as mouthpieces for the real feelings Rachel would like to articulate – and later in the novel, does. They’re our, and Rachel’s, outlets for the irritation we’re meant to feel towards Darcy, and give us a warm glow when the characters are saying unkind (but true, from what we see) things about her. They don’t have the same loyalty to her, and therefore no real guilt. Their loyalty is to the put-upon Rachel. Is the friendship genuine? Only on Rachel’s side. I don’t get the impression that Darcy knows what friendship really means; to her, friends are non-threatening poodles she can boss around, or beautiful people like her who occupy the same rarefied atmosphere on her glitzy world.”
Nikky: Darcy and Rachel’s friendship does have a ring of truth to it. Opposites often attract and the most minor things (such as being next door neighbours) create oddly deep friendships when you are children. And coming from the same place is a powerful connection in a big city where you can feel overwhelmed. I think the relationship has had the same power dynamic over all time. Darcy is dominant, Rachel is passive and Annalise acts as a foil to both of them. But I think by the time the novel happens, a lot of the relationship is now habit. Feeling that you owe someone is another reason people keep friendships going past their sell by date. I also think that Darcy suits Rachel because while she’s friends with her, she can carry on as she is in Darcy’s wake rather than rocking her own boat. It’s obvious Rachel doesn’t like challenging herself when you look at how she feel about her job. I think Rachel defends Darcy against Hillary and Ethan for several reasons: it’s habit, it’s guilt, it’s a natural reaction when someone criticises your friend, because when they criticise someone you are friends with it’s also a criticism of you and your tastes, so makes you defensive of the friend if you don’t much like them anymore.Rachel appears to have quite passive friendships with Ethan and Hillary too. I don’t think the relationships there are that different to the one with Darcy, just that Hillary and Ethan and are nicer and less domineering so seem more balanced.”
Elly: “I think Rachel mostly likes having Darcy’s stardust rub off on her. She also likes feeling superior to Darcy, as an avoidance and reassurance tactic re: her dissatisfaction with her own life. In its way, Ethan and Rachel’s friendship is as stuck in the past as Darcy and Rachel’s – he hasn’t told Rachel to move on from her feelings about Darcy, he’s encouraging them by reminding her of incidents like the SAT scores. I think that Hilary and Rachel are actually more work-friends than real friends. You know how some people are ‘work hot’ rather than people you’d date in real life?”
Ronke: Rachel and Darcy’s friendship is based on control and a tight balance; for it to work Rachel needs to feel bad about herself or the balance goes off. I think the friendship is genuine as long as Rachel keeps her true feelings about Darcy’s shoddy treatment of her to herself. The thing is real mates want the best for each other and Darcy does not seem to want the best for any of her friends.”
Naps: They have a shared history. Other than that there’s was always an unequal relationship and Annalise probably did the best out of it by not getting too sucked in. It didn’t change over time – Rachel defended Darcy against attacks from Ethan and Hillary because her role is that of Darcy’s cheerleader. She has to support Darcy – it’s her idea of being a best friend. Rachel’s relationship with both Ethan and Hilary seemed superficial. I mean they were good friends towards Rachel but I didn’t understand why. I found Rachel so irritatingly passive and a walkover I really didn’t understand why anyone would be her friend. Who wants a sad sack in the group? Not me! I think if Ethan and Hilary had been characterised in just a bit more detail even they would have shown annoyance and frustration at Rachel’s inability to stand up for herself.
Tamara: “I believe Rachel and Darcy’s friendship is real. There is no such thing as a perfect friendship, but friendship is about loving people despite their imperfections and a little bit of competition is always healthy. Ethan and Hillary are sweet and supportive friends, but they are also very similar to Rachel which means they rarely bring something new to the table. They just confirm and reinforce what Rachel is thinking. Whereas Darcy…”

Do you think Dex and Darcy would have married if it weren’t for Dex’s affair with Rachel? Why did he stay with Darcy for so long?

Bim: “Yes. I think they would’ve married and probably the relationship would have broken down a few years later. They’re that couple who stay engaged for ever and then break up after seven months of marriage. Dex and Darcy were together for convenience – they were both happy with the set-up and to alter it was more bother than they thought it worth. The plain Jane in me looks at their perfection with scorn…
George: “No. I think he stayed because he thought he loved her, and until Rachel, nothing had made him question that.”
Nikky: “I think Dex and Darcy would probably have married, but that the relationship would have faltered. Both of them are very concerned with how other people view them, fascinated with labels, money and social standing, so I doubt either would have called off the wedding unless really really pushed (even though Darcy thinks Dex was responding to her attitude rather than making his own decision. And of course, it wasn’t really his decision. He’d have gone through with it if he could have kept having his cake and eat it, but his jealousy toward Marcus and annoyance toward Hillary escalates the situation to the point where Rachel utters an ultimatum). I think he stayed with Darcy for so long because they actually have quite a lot in common (see above): Darcy is beautiful, stylish, successful and ambitious. She makes him look good and she has an emotional response to him right from the start with her antics. This means he can continue to get what he wants while someone else does the foot work.”
Elly: “They would have got married, but they wouldn’t have been happy. Dex got off on being a fixer-upper, we usually think of women in the parent (mother) -type role in relationships, but men do it too. I think Darcy will become more independent and self-assured with age (and possibly motherhood), and Dex wouldn’t have liked that – it would have upset his view of things.”
Ronke: “Hard to say. I think Dex would have gone along and married Darcy and be miserable but suffer in silence. He might have embarked on a short affair later on. Why did he stay with Darcy for so long? I guess because it was easier to stay than walk away and endure a messy break up. He seems like a man who does not like confrontation or drama in a way he is perfect for Rachel. I guess in a funny way this love story is a positive message to women that a handsome guy like Dex can just long for a nice normal relationship with no drama.”
Naps: “They would have married, yes. Dex probably liked having a trophy girlfriend. She was good looking and popular after all. I thought this was a major flaw in the book. I mean Darcy and Dex seemed to have nothing in common, and there’s only so long a man wouldn’t want a trophy girlfriend on his arm before wanting a bit of intellectual stimulation right? Especially a man as clever as Dex was made out to be by the author. So I didn’t buy Dex and Darcy’s relationship.”
Tamara: “Love this question. Hell yeah, he would have married Darcy and lived a miserable but picture perfect existence. I doubt he would have had the balls to leave her if he didn’t have a lady to catch him.”

How did Rachel’s flawed self-image contribute to the dilemma that she faces? What do you see as her greatest weakness? Does she care too much about what people think of her?

Bim: “This may reveal a little more than intended, but I saw glimpses of myself in Rachel. I too have been known to be been timid in many regards, and while I am uber-confident in several avenues of my life, I am aware of my limitations in others. I would argue that this timidity, the need to be a people-pleaser, even when it did not serve Rachel herself well, is her greatest weakness. As time goes on in the book, you can see her begin to care less, but I think it is a fundamental personality flaw. Coupled with her passivity, it made for many poor choices and bad justifications.
George: “Rachel is kind of a prig. In a way, she’s similar to Darcy in that she seems to think she’s better than other people; Darcy because of her popularity and beauty, Rachel because of her intellect and drive – and you can see that she envies Darcy her figure, but when you want something you cannot have, you show contempt for it, show that you’re better than it. Now she’s got herself into a situation which is pretty powerful – this redefines how she sees herself, and I think we’re watching a woman in the throes of an existential crisis. She’s no longer the good friend, the good daughter. This troubles her because this is what she’s been craving all along.”
Nikky: “A lot of Rachel’s poor self image comes from comparing herself only to Darcy, not to Annalise or Hillary. She comes across as judgemental toward people who have chosen a different path in life to her like the women at the shower who married young and have kids. She’s a weird mix of aspirational, but not ambitious and living life to arbitrary guidelines rather than what suits her. This is apparent in her expectations of what she wanted by 30 in the first chapter. She doesn’t think she’s good enough and that is reinforced by Darcy and her mother in particular (but also society’s obsession with body image.)Her greatest weakness though is her passivity. She never stands up to anyone or asserts herself independently. Even the decision she makes to issue Dex with an ultimatum is brought about by Hillary’s behaviour and Dex’s jealousy. She has had many opportunities to ask him to call off the wedding up until now, but hasn’t taken any of them. Other decisions she makes are similarily a response to a stimulus rather than an independent thought. She chooses Darcy’s dress to shut her up and make her own life easier. She goes to see Ethan because he asks. She never defends herself or stands up for herself, not taking the chance to tell hre mother that she involved with Dex because she’s happy, in love and sees a future and that he called off the wedding for her, she just says she doesn’t want to discuss it. It’s a chance to assert herself and she doesn’t take it because her mother doesn’t ask her directly.In some ways, Rachel is obsessed with what people think of her and in others she obviously doesn’t care less because she doesn’t make any attempt to come across as less self absorbed, passive, overshadowed by Darcy or any of the other things that ultimately Dex, Hillary, Claire, Darcy, Ethan and her mother all mention at some point. Her social obsession is more important to her I think, she’s more worried that someone back home will think she’s shallow or a bitch for cheating on her best friend than what the people she professes to love think of her. I certainly don’t get the impression she cares about other people that much. She professes to care about Hillary, but her main reason for holding back about Dex is not because she might spoil Hillary’s whole summer by screwing up the house share, but because she ‘can’t untell her’. She doesn’t stop and think how the affair will affect Annalise or her parents. She doesn’t warn either of them, allowing Darcy to tell them. This comes across as passive and uncaring to me, and shows that even when Darcy rejects Rachel, Rachel still can’t summon up the chutzpah to assert herself outside Darcy’s sphere. It’s so wishy-washy.”
Elly: “She does care too much what others think of her! One could almost argue that she slept with Dex because he wanted to and she wanted his approval. Maybe she secretly wanted to show Darcy she (Rachel) was as good as her (Darcy)? I think she’s quite juvenile in many ways: she lacks perspective, she’s indecisive and she thinks she’s fat when she isn’t. (Maybe this is a very dry joke about New Yorkers!)”
Ronke: “She does not like confrontation and lets people take advantage of her. Also she does not know when to remove toxic people from her life. She does care a lot about what people think of her.”
Naps: “Rachel just couldn’t make a decision about anything until someone made it for her. As friends Darcy made all the decision for Rachel and now Rachel is with Dex he’ll make all the decisions. A right cop-out is that Rachel. Pah! Her greatest weakness? Passivity. Lack of backbone. She does care too much about what people think of her – she wants to fit the role of perfect best friend despite the ruin it does to her self-esteem. Rachel has a very skewed idea of what a best friend is.
Tamara: “Rachel wasn’t sure of who she was. She had spent so much time and energy trying to become who she was supposed to be, she didn’t seem to know what she really wanted to do (she was in a job she hated) nor who she really liked, or what she really felt.”

End of Part I. Next post with the rest of the questions is right here.