The Friday Pretty: Start 2012 As You Mean To Go On Edition

FRIDAY! FRIDAY! GOTTA GET DOWN ON FRIDAY!

Right?

How are you all doing? Ready for the weekend? Of course you’re not. Because you haven’t had a dose of handsome men to lead you gently into the green pastures of Saturday and Sunday. No worries, TFP is here to provide that service. So take a deep, cleansing breath, turn your monitor discreetly away from your nosy colleague and slip your feet out of the confines of office-appropriate shoes. It’s time for The Friday Pretty – the first of 2012!

We open proceedings with a dude who’s probably dumber than a box of lacefronts. But you know what? It’s okay if he is. He is so pleasingly proportioned, so stereotypically attractive, so uncomplicated and um, gym-toned, that he transcends logic and good judgement. He’s just a perfectly simple pleasure to behold. TFP is a fan of his work in She’s The Man (srsly, one of TFP‘s favourite Shakespeare-relocated-to-a-US-high-school teen flicks), and Step Up (‘urban’ dance movie? TFP is so there) and soon, he will delight us all in Magic Mike, a dark movie about male strippers… *snicker* (stills from the movie recently caused the internet to pant in unison). It’s Channing Tatum, of course. In the crude parlance of the internet, he ‘could get it’:

Next up, a man who came back into TFP‘s orbit when he was announced as one of a trio of new Gillette spokesmen. TFP is actually shocked that he’s never featured on these pages before. Look upon his delicate features and lust! LUST, TFP SAYS! Over to you, Gael Garcia Bernal:

Hey, remember back in 2001, when we first became acquainted with the term ‘va va voom’? Yeah, you do. Remember how we all went around asking no one in particular, “Hey, Bobby! What’s the French for ‘va va voom’?” Heady days. Well, THIERRY HENRY IS BACK! In like, England, and like, playing for Arsenal again. It made TFP‘s lifelong Gooner brother burst into emotional tears. TFP‘s tears were caused by the full beard Henry insists on wearing these days – look, it’s a magnificent bit of facial topiary, but it covers up the glorious landscape of his face. Witness the fitness:

We stay in North London’s glorious past for the next dude on TFP‘s hitlist. It’s Freddie Ljungberg. As featured in his pants for Calvin Klein back in 2003, he became the male equivalent of Eva Herzigova’s famous ‘Hello boys’ Wonderbra ad from a decade earlier. TFP swooned then, and swoons now. Look at those cheekbones – you could cut a block of cheese on them! (Er, also: those ridiculous pillowy lips – UNF):

Man of the moment, Michael Fassbender is next up. He’s winning awards for everything at the moment, and fair enough – he’s a very good actor. TFP loved him in Fish Tank, (which according to funny and excellent writer @MhairiMcF, could’ve been called ‘My Confusingly Hot Not Dad’) is off to see him in Shame at the weekend – high hopes all round, best exemplified by this magnificent tweet. Anyway, back to Fassbender. TFP loves him best for the hints of red in his beard; it ignites the famed Gingerlust™:

We end this ogle-fest with a classy dude in a classy suit. Cos TFP is classy like that. Paul Newman – TFP‘s top hot dead dude. RIP, Paul. We still think you’re hot (and talented, obvs):

That’s it. See you all next week. Rave safe, consume alcohol responsibly and get off my lawn!