*Noddy Holder – paraphraser face*
Don’t know about you, dear reader, but it’s been sheeting rain, single figure temperatures and general April melancholy in these parts for the past week. Properly depressing stuff. Let’s just say, if it’s true what they say about a shit spring auguring a brilliant summer, then May to August will be ¡muy caliente! Speaking of caliente, this week’s theme is a tribute to a movie which has been pencilled into the diaries of a certain demographic for quite a while (the trailer caused a bit of a stir on the interwebs earlier this week) Is it something avant garde by a visionary director? Um, sure. It’s Soderbergh’s Magic Mike, y’all. Yes, that movie about a troupe of male strippers. That’s right – we’re perving on a cast of near-naked dudes on a Friday. Settle in, chums, it can only be The Friday Pretty!
We open the show with the eponymous Mike, and all the magic therein. Look. TFP makes no apology for fancying the (tiny) pants off Channing Tatum, okay? A friend recently described him on Twitter thusly: “… he looks like a ham with sad raisins for eyes. ” Dear reader, TFP laughed like a drain. But you know what? This love remains true and sure. Why? Because Tatum has lovely abs and big arms and a husky voice that makes TFP hum. And his face possesses a simple hotness that assures all who gaze upon it that sums and science are not relevant to his interests. And that’s okay, guys. THAT’S OKAY:
We move on to a man so pretty, he makes TFP‘s eyes water a little bit. Have you seen White Collar? Watch it – it’s frothy nonsense built on solid chemistry between the two leads, Matt Bomer and Tim DeKay. With no disrespect to DeKay, the truth is Bomer would probably have chemistry with the chairs, fans and the very air on set, he’s just that FAHN. In one episode, he wore a hat and turtleneck, an outfit which, on any other man, would be an instant ladybonerkiller. On Bomer however, it made TFP emit a low-pitched moan and startle the cat next door. Well, damn. [PS: imagine a film/TV series where Bomer played the brother of Henry Cavill and Timothy Olyphant. And they were topless. A lot.]:
Joe Manganiello is one of those dudes. You know the type; you never thought you were that into muscles until you saw him and had the lightbulb moment of “Oh, shit! I totally love muscles!” Yeah, we’ve all been there. Anyway, back to Joe. He is pointlessly, foolishly attractive. What is up with his handsome face and cut body? Ugh. *kicks down chair*
Many years ago, when TFP was a slip of a thing, it was introduced to Richard Linklater’s Dazed and Confused in a Media Studies class. It started a love affair with the director, but more importantly, it also planted a seed of affection for Matthew McConaughey. His turn as stoner creepster David Wooderson was a standout performance and TFP held high hopes for his emergence as “a shimmering, glowing star in the cinema firmament.” We now know this is not what went on to happen. He just wants to make mediocre films, play his bongos and take care of his kids, man. *bright smile* And that’s fine, cos DAVID WOODERSON. #NeverForget:
We end with Adam Rodriguez, a hottie with enough smokingness to be in the crapfest that is CSI: Miami and emerge relatively unscathed ((srsly, have you seen that?). That’s so hot, it’s practically magic. And with that one line, we come full circle – yup, this is not TFP‘s first rodeo. Witness the fitness:
Okay, shoo – show’s over. Rave safe, kids – see you next time!
*Eagle-eyed pervs may’ve noted the absence of Alex Pettyfer. TFP chose not to include him because of reasons. If you don’t know, you better #axe somebody. o_O