It’s Friday. Can I get a holy ghost stomp and an ‘amen’?
You’ve only had to turn on the telly to realise that the world’s biggest sporting event is taking place. The Olympics – a gold medal is the dream for all who come, alongside a new personal best, and the smashing of a world record or two. It’s taking place in London, hometown of this here blog, and truly, we couldn’t be prouder. Let’s be honest: the expectation was that it was going to be shit, so to find it not only ‘not shit’ but actively ‘pretty damn excellent’ has turned most of the stoniest of hearts verdant and lush with excitement. On top of that, Team GB is doing better than expected, and so we’re all caught up in the new feeling of frenzied pride. It’s been a lot to take in, to be honest.
And so to this week’s TFP. The Olympics guarantees us amazing scenes of human sporting endeavour. It also guarantees the kind of perving that only comes round once every four years. It’s insane: hundreds – nay, THOUSANDS – of examples of the ultimate human form, honed to the perfection that most can only dream of, in the pursuit of sporting immortality. It’s enough to make the heart sing (and the knicker elastic ping). This weekend will see the end of the pervfest as the Games draw to a close. And so this week’s The Friday Pretty will feature a handful of those Beautiful People. They came, they saw, they conquered (our pants). Olympians – we salute you (by slobbering over you).
We start your engines with US swimmer Nathan Adrian. He’s cute, he’s athletic, he looks good in tiny pants and with medals on his chest (oh to be one of those medals!). On top of that, he’s properly nice and his Twitter feed shows he has a sense of humour too. And! He has the coolest middle name: ‘Ghar-Jun’ (his Ma is Chinese). We’re fans of his goofy smile and ridiculous biceps. Lookit:
Let’s linger on the US swim team for a moment longer and shift our attention to the gorgeous Cullen Jones. Cullen, with his tiny shark fin haircut and his 0.5% body fat (according to TFP‘s pervy calculation, but don’t quote TFP)! Cullen, with his adorable accent and teaching kids to swim! Cullen, with his pretty, slumberous eyes (somewhat hidden in this shot, but trust):
We fling ourselves with gay abandon to Germany now, and into the waiting arms of nimble gymnast Marcel Nguyen. He’s so damn pretty, he looks like an Elvish prince. Also, he has stamina and strength, his giant chest tattoo is kinda cool and his arms were hewn from marble and polished with the tears of a thousand women. Um, don’t quote TFP on that last one:
This next dude caused most of TFP‘s Twitter timeline to burst into spontaneous flames when he ran in the 100m final. Grown women began proclaiming the sovereignty of God, with many offering themselves up as sacrifices to be close to the body of US sprinter Ryan Bailey. Personally, TFP thinks he’s too pretty for his own good, but hey – we all have our preferences, no? Variety: the spice of life.
As Kirani James was born a couple of years after TFP‘s youngest sibling, it feels wrong and icky to highlight his cuteness, but what the hey – we’ll include him for the younger pervs amongst us! This Grenadian teenager brought glory to his small island nation by winning its first ever medal at the Olympics – and it was gold! He’s pretty fine – and super sweet in his post-race interview, too.
TFP‘s GingerLust™ is well-documented. Helping to re-ignite it this week was Team GB’s long jumper, Greg Rutherford. At first seemingly cocky (but pretty hot) in the lead up to his jumps, TFP was prepared to hate-fancy him. But then he won gold and softened before the camera as he thanked his family and coach and his ‘beautiful girlfriend’ and TFP‘s heart melted into goo. It helps that is basically a ginger Neil Patrick Harris with ridiculously cut guns. TFP is all about that life.
Another young ‘un now, also in Team GB. Louis Smith, man. What a nice, talented gymnast, pummelling his fellow athletes at the pommel horse (see what TFP did there?), and not afraid to show emotion (REAL TEARS! and so pretty with it!) when he nailed the dismount at the qualification stages. TFP likes a man who recognises the importance of the occasion and delivers despite the pressure. Louis Smith is that dude. Plus, cop a look at that hairdo he’s rocking. I bet he uses only juices and berries. He could get it:
Still on gymnastics, we glide effortlessly over to France’s silky gymnast, Yann Cucherat. TFP spotted him and did an involuntary #heyboo #hey hashtag. The eyebrows are a big plus point, obvs. The biceps also score highly. You could say his execution score was well in the nines – and you’d be right. Observe:
Back to Britain’s surprisingly successful medal-winners now, and we drop our bags at the feet of Mark Cavendish, cyclist and as evidenced by the photo below, excellent glasses-wearer. Mark sadly missed out on a medal this year, but with his face, a gorgeous wife and kids, TFP doubts he’s massively ruffled.
We end this Herculean perv-session with French swimmer, Camille Lacourt. Named like a girl and pretty like one too, Monsieur Lacourt was another Twitter knee-trembler. He apparently does the backstroke, but TFP could not possibly comment – it was too busy drowning in his eyes. He won no medals at London 2012, but he earned a spot in the final, laminated ‘WOULD’ list of millions. And isn’t that better than a medal for your country? (don’t answer that):
That’s all, folks. Perv safe and drink responsibly.