Honey, so your life will be sweet. Palm oil, to lubricate life’s aches and ameriolate its many pains. Salt, to preserve and keep you. Kola nut, I can’t remember exactly, but is it not enough that it is the most symbolically Nigerian thing, across all ethnic lines?
Tag Archives: Africa
We have reached the apex of this unnecessary blog series! This is my final unsolicited diary entry about my recent work trip to Cameroon. If you want to read about my six-hour car journey from Bamenda to Yaounde, as well as my time at the airport, then the stick around and click after the jump. […]
Hey diary-readers! I can tell you’re all agog to see the (almost) final part of this unsolicited Cameroon diary. Settle down – it’s here. I’ll just saunter on this road of saying not much for a couple more lines while you get ready to either take off or read on. Today’s entry covers an amazing […]
Yeah, so here’s Day 5 of the unsolicited Cameroon trip diary; in which I wash my face with Eve Lom cleanser, talk to young and older women about their political ambitions, and marvel at the staying power of MUA’s £1 nail varnish. Days 1 and 2 entries are here, and Day 3 and 4 right […]
Okay. No internet for a few days, but here’s Day 3 and 4 of my Cameroon diary. Forgive the solid blocks of text, I was going to add my hastily taken photos but it’s taking forever to upload so I thought eff it. Be warned, Days 3 and 4 are long-winded. I ramble. A lot. […]
I’m in Cameroon for work. Yes, Cameroon, in West Africa. For a week. Let me just twerk real quick… Anyway. Internet is spotty at best, so why not give you a quick, unsolicited semi-diary of our time here so far? I know. You’re welcome. Ramblings below the jump.
Excuse the giant French horn I’m tooting, but I wrote a thing for The Guardian about Nigeria being the most optimistic place on earth. No, seriously. You can read it here, chums.
I was all done for the year, I swear. Then this fool gets all up in my grill, with his seasonal humdinger of a news story. Dammit, Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab, you just couldn’t be cool! You just had to attempt a terrorist act on a plane from Amsterdam to Detroit. You just had to have ‘links […]
Good evening, and e kaabo. Welcome to Black Fridays, tagline: cos the rest of the week ain’t Black enough! There’ve been a number of issues on this week’s Black news agenda. Let me list the ways: Keishagate and the semantics issue of still calling the band ‘Sugababes’ when no originals remain; the Mobo awards being held […]
I have looked into the abyss that is Lagos, and by sheer determination, I haven’t run screaming into the night, headed for the airport. I like to think I have cojones. I know, I know, I’m hardly in Guantanamo Bay, but you know what, I’m speaking relatively here. Allow me artistic license. So I’m in […]
“I think I got the Black Lung, Pop”. [Insert pathetic Zoolander-esque cough here]. I have been in no less than 10 hours of congestion since I arrived on Tuesday morning. That’s a lot of pollution for my rarefied lungs to take. While there’s an MOT/road worthiness system in operation, it’s safe to say that it’s […]
I’m a bibliophile with a neglected library. This has become painfully clear as I prepare to embark on my holiday. I won’t be on the beach so much as at my parents’ gaff in the ‘country’, but the relaxed vibe will still be applicable. The last book I bought was Siri Hustvedt’s latest paperback, The […]
How does one start the day from hell? By descending into its seventh circle straight off the bat, that’s how. I can exclusively reveal that hell’s soundtrack is the endless, piteous cries of infants mixed in with the bemused conversations of middle-aged men. I spent the day at the Nigeria High Commission. And I promise […]
Hola! I’ve begun packing. And panicking. I’m not the most organised of people – at the best of times I barely get by and when I do, it’s down to the crack team of organised lovelies I keep around me at all times – and this time I’m suffering. I bought the suitcase; it’s a lovely, large […]